So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
