I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
