I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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