a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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