went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I didn't notice because vodka
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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