ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
