dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
