how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
