if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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