whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
