Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We have started to decorate penises.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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