I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
