Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
