hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
