Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
