Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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