my mouth tastes like poor choices
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
