chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
