i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
