Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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