Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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