would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
well you can't waste a boner
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
