highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
