obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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