is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
