I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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