you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
