$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
