This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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