Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
