if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
