I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
