Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
