I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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