I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
