I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
