I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
