I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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