I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
FUCK WHALES
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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