i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
