she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize