He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
