I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
