they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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