That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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