dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
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Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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