Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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