So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
