I hate your face
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
