and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
