If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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