That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
