I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
