The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
