i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
