I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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