i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
