shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
