Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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