I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
