yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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