yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
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