I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
